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I’ll never forget being called FAT

Hello POPsters,

Yesterday I announced the winners of the Kallisti Body chain. The winners were selected based on their thoughtful answers to “What makes you feel beautiful?” One entry that particularly touched me was Cari Garvey’s. She talked about how growing up people taunted her for her size and how she will never forget the hurt that she endured for being overweight.

Her story touched me because I know the hurt. I was once called fat. It was 13 years ago. I was at a family birthday party, we were all eating together at this long table with all sorts of wonderful foods laid out. I was thoroughly enjoying my plate along with my mom and sister. Then this little girl who was probably a year or two younger than me looks at me and says “Why are you so fat?”

I stopped chewing. My eyes welled up with tears. The edges of my lips curled and I fought the quivering frown overcoming my face. I dropped my fork. Ran into another room. Cried. The kind of crying where you can’t stop and you can’t breathe.

It wasn’t long before my mom chased after me and held me in her arms. She didn’t know what happened but she did try to calm me down. When I could finally catch my breathe to tell her, she laughed it off, saying that the little girl didn’t know anything and that she didn’t mean it. I eventually stopped crying. But it didn’t matter. Kids tell the truth. And the truth was, I was fat. I’ll never forget.

I was 11 years old at the time and chubby. In my yearbook pictures, I had a double chin when I smiled. It was hard to find jeans that fit me. But none of it had even bothered me up until that point. I didn’t even know I was fat. I was active, happy, doing well in school, and had friends. That was all that mattered. But from that point on, I became self conscious. I lost confidence. Body image then became something I was constantly aware of. My body dictated my feelings.

Luckily as I reached puberty, I naturally leaned out as I grew taller. In high school, I was on the Varsity tennis team for 4 years and didn’t ever have to think about working out. It was just part of my routine. I didn’t know much about nutrition either so I’d notice that I’d get skinny on season and gain weight off season/in the summer. One September when I got back to school one of my closest friends straight up told me “You look bigger.” I clearly remember defending myself, saying “No, it’s just the sweater, really I didn’t.” I begged her to understand. It was like I was fighting for skinny. It hurt so much. That was 8 years ago. I was 16.

I would say that from that conversation on, I began my struggle with body image satisfaction. No, I never had an eating disorder or anything, but I can confess that I am very hard on myself when I look in the mirror. I see things I wanna improve, just like any other girl. It’s a bad habit, but being the perfectionist that I am, the goals get harder and harder to reach every time.

Do you know that every time I put up a new video, I have this fear that one of the commenters will say “looks like you got fatter”? I don’t think it’s happened yet, but it’s bound to. I’ve lost definition and put on a few pounds since I moved back to the West Coast. Not gonna lie. I can envision this happening when I read the fat comment…I will freeze up, have chills run down my spine, and think back in detail to when I was 11.

Being called fat is something that is offensive and hurtful. It’s something I can forgive, but I cannot forget. Being called fat is a personal attack on your most vulnerable self. It’s a physical insult that leaves an emotional scar.

But like anything else, we must move on to continue growing. Where do you go from here? You begin by removing yourself from that person or the situation that is making you feel horrible. You are still amazing, regardless of what you look like. (Remember how content I was before that girl called me fat?) If you choose to change your physical appearance/lose weight, then do it with passion and know that you’re doing it for the right reasons. Confidence. Health. Fitness. Then enjoy the journey. Find happiness in your day to day struggles and happiness when you reach your destination. Life is too short to be sad over things like this. Just keep remembering that you are resilient and that you can conquer anything you put your mind to. You just need to want it badly enough.

QUESTION: Are you hurt when someone calls you fat? How did you feel and what did you do to make things better?

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Notes

  1. panda-of-oreo reblogged this from blogilates
  2. bingonightatthegym reblogged this from blogilates and added:
    I don’t know that I’ve ever related to a post so much, except for the fact that the there have only been two people to...
  3. omgltsme reblogged this from the-misfitstranger
  4. the-misfitstranger reblogged this from blogilates and added:
    i definitely know what this feels like.
  5. poupee-de-porcelaine answered: Amazing story, i can relate. Since i was born i have been overweight. I am very hurt, and i feel like the same little bullied child, as once.
  6. thickchick190 answered: I can relate. I get hurt when someone calls me fat. Same chills. I feel like I can’t breathe, I freeze up & hit a wall. I get petrified.
  7. 586604 answered: I’ve been taunted by fat girls, for being way too skinny. Not being able to talk back because ‘OBESITY IS A DISEASE HOW DARE YOU’ sucks.
  8. think-look-feel-better reblogged this from blogilates
  9. nomoreaverage reblogged this from blogilates
  10. twentyyearsfit answered: It absolutely hurts to be called fat or to have it hinted at you that you arre bigger than other kids it’s worse when your own mom.
  11. maritzyy answered: My mom always called me fat while I was growing up. She’s actually the only person in my life that ever did call me fat. I’m not fat at all.
  12. ronniemalubay answered: wla pang nag sasabi skin na mataba ako :)
  13. kissed-with-love answered: yes & i just don’t let it bring me down because calling me fat doesn’t make them any skinner.
  14. livlam answered: Sharing that story and being so truthful is so refreshing.
  15. mistakes-make-us-beautiful answered: Someone called me fat as a joke. Even that hurt.
  16. sailingstarss answered: I just wanted to tell you you’re anything but fat, or ‘big’ every video you post i marvel how skinny and beautiful you are! keep it up <3
  17. infinitemisfortune answered: I have anorexia because I was called fat. My life is basically out of my control, and I’m scared of what I am.
  18. aqilahkazhar answered: yes, it makes me feel really terrible.
  19. tomato-baby answered: oh my gosh when i was called fat i wanted to kill myself =.= ughhhh
  20. upforsomethingbeautiful answered: I have been called fat various times as a child and it was never true. Still, I believed it! I was “chubby” at best, but those words hurt!!!
  21. alyss-fae reblogged this from blogilates
  22. runlikethewind15 reblogged this from blogilates
  23. runlikethewind15 answered: I get very hurt when someone called me fat. It made me want to do something about it. So I started working out and feel as happy as can be!
  24. espresso-pls said: I can’t believe that you could ever feel or think that you’re fat. You have one of the most beautiful, healthy, athletic bodies of any fitness guru I have seen!! I aspire to look like you :]
  25. thecollywobbles answered: I want to beat up everyone who made you sad for you. I am glad you are so awesome and helped me in so many positive ways.
  26. whutterances reblogged this from blogilates and added:
    Like….